Last week my neighbor was getting gutter covers put on his house. He had the bright idea to put a big black rubber snake in his gutter to surprise the gutter guard installer. It didn’t work out as planned.


It seamed like a great idea to Chuck when he put it in the gutter on the front of his house. The thought of one of the gutter guys screaming like a girl made me chuckle when he called me to let me in on it just after they arrived. I asked him if he really wanted to go through with it because someone could get hurt. He said that the front of his house is so low that if one of the installers fell in the shrubs they couldn’t get hurt. I took his word for it and peeked out my window to check on the guys progress. It looked slow going.

I was in my back bedroom when I heard screaming. I ran out and around the house just in time to see one of the guys throw a hammer right through Chuck’s living-room window. The man who found that big rubber snake was about 6ft 3in and a good 250lbs. When he was pulling some hanging brackets off the side of Chuck’s house he reached over his head and pulled the snake out. It shocked him so much he did a back flip off the ladder and tore a chunk of meat out of his hand when he fell.

Chuck being the dumb butt he is told him that he had planted the snake. When the guy heard that he threw the hammer at Chuck but missed and it went through the front window of Chuck’s house. After a couple of choice words and a few strong finger pokes to Chuck’s chest the installers packed up and left.

We both stood looking into Chuck’s now well ventilated house for a minute of two and them we couldn’t help it and busted out laughing. As Chuck headed to his shed to find some plastic I told him bye. Dude, your on your own after that one.

Friday afternoon should have been a lucky day for thirty-two year old house roofer Frank Murphy. After finding out he was the winner of a drawing for a new Sony PS3 video Game console he got a little liquored up while waiting for the scheduled time to pick it up.

Murphy and his friend showed up at the local electronic store at 8pm. There was a camera crew to greet the winner and film the presentation. The Canadian winner was very excited about his new PS3. A little too much. At the presentation he started screaming and dancing around. After calming down the camera crew asked if he was excited about his win. For some reason that just set Murphy off. He started cursing at the film crew and shoved the camera out of his face.

Most of the people there were shocked at the man’s behavior and Murphy was escorted out of the building by a security guard. Outside the scene escalated into Murphy fighting with the security guard. After police arrived Murphy was handcuffed and taken to jail.

That turned out to be one lucky day.

Septic service man Danny arrived in the morning and my wife and her sister walked him over to our tank cover. Danny was about 75 years old and looked to be experienced at his job. Danny pulled the cement cover off the tank and bent over to get a look at the job ahead. The first thing he said was, “Oh crap”. My wife yelled back, “Is it that bad”. Danny said, “No but I just dropped my false teeth down into the septic tank”.

My wife and her sister just looked at each other and started laughing so hard that they were crying. Danny didn’t take it so well at first and started stomping around the yard cursing up a storm. All that did was make the sisters laugh even harder. After everyone had calmed down even Danny started to laugh.

Danny finished his job like a pro and we all laughed about it the rest of the day. I guess that’s just one of the hazards of being a 75 year old septic tank man.